hunger pangs

There's only one thing on my mind right now.

I don't understand. I ate a well-balanced, nutritious dinner that included grilled steak, baked potatoes, broccoli, and a side salad with mixed greens, tomatoes, and avocado (yes!). I even made room for dessert, which happened to be three pieces of organic fudge, courtesy of my good friend Han. That should have hit the spot, but now I'm licking my chomps for more. The sad thing is that this happens after every meal or in between every meal. Sure, everyone gets pangs, but this particular one has a specific flavor in mind. I'm not going to bother with savoring its taste. I just want an injection of something soft, chewy, and sweet. Something that's going to melt in my mouth, fill up my stomach to the brim, and threaten my figure.

I have to confess: I'm getting weak in the knees for Chewy Chips Ahoy.



The chips are really stacked against me, but for a different reason. The vintage Nabisco chime keeps ringing in my head. It sounds as early as 8 AM and continues until about midnight. If I resist, it will find its way into my dreams, torturing me with flying cookie saucers that can break the sound barrier and spoil my appetite. When I am startled awake, there's nothing left to do but strap in my boot cast and hobble to the kitchen to begin the hunt. You see I'm not the only one plagued by this ooey gooey delight. My father suffers from the same craving, which has expanded his waistline and caused tension in his marriage.

Although I am experiencing sleep deprivation and mild anxiety, I am fortunate to still be in the early stages of this condition. Since I recognize the consequences of eating an entire package in one sitting, I am not hasty in satisfying my hunger. Instead, I set limits, take a deep breath, and inhale the entire row. I wait a half an hour and inhale another. I pause, survey the damage, and then reseal the package as tightly as possible. I even make an effort to find a new hiding spot before I succumb to an all out cookie binge.

I can't bear to count how many cookies are in each row, or even begin to calculate about the amount of calories, fat, and sugar I consume. However, there are two things that help me keep Chips Ahoy at bay. First of all, I have agonizing visions of blimping out of my skinny jeans and into a pair of relaxed fit from JCPenny. Secondly, my mother never ceases to complain about how often she has to go to the store in order to buy overpriced junk food. Magically, her nagging becomes the blow horn that silences the Nabisco chime, which puts my guilt on call for the next Chips Ahoy pillage.

Ultimately, I think the hunger pangs reflect the restlessness that comes from leading a life of mandatory leisure. My social interactions are limited to the internet and telephone. I can't pour a glass of water without drafting a procedure that involves multiple parties. Did I mention I can't wiggle my toes on my left foot? So why not reward myself with popping an entire row of Chewy Chips Ahoy! Though after seeing this clip below, I might want to switch to Sprinkled Chips Ahoy. There's a party in every bite, and everyone knows I love a good party.