LIVE BLOGGING: 10 things I hate about you

Okay back from blogging hiatus and coming back at you with a vapid post about the new ABC family series "10 things I hate about you."

It's 8:12 and there's already commercial. So far there's a been a total homosocial moment when the nerdy guy peaks at a popular dude's underwear as a way to get his name for the pretty sophomore girl he's crushing on. Also big shrewy sis got a fake ID. Also the guy from the movie is still the father. Good job on career choices.

8:14: oops nerdy guy forgot his wallet and had to give his shoes to the cab. and the pretty girl was lucky enough to "leave the house with lip gloss"

8:15: WTF is a decoy house? "popularity is confusing, you'll pick it up"

8:15: big shrew sis is at the grunge club and her fake ID works.

8:16: omg awkward GLBT moment "you could be a butch lesbian or a transgender male. I celebrate you" semi-offensive and not even funny on a Bruno level.

8:17: okay the Heath Ledger replacement is only kind of hot and too clean cut.

8:18 "he's your chance, you want to kiss me" borrrring

Okay this is kind of exhausting to watch and blog. Bottom line: Even though the 90's are back, 10 things does not translate well this time around. I'm signing off.

teeeveeee

I remember watching a forgettable movie/program where a character laments something about suburbanites isolating themselves with cable TV. Ever since the household upgraded to Verizon's FiOS, my face time with the boob tube has increased 200%. Which means my suburban visa has been extended.

I mean it's exciting to know that I can watch GOLDEN GIRLS on not only Hallmark Channel, but also WETV and the Family Network. Let's talk about how easy it is to eat your feelings on estrogen alley that spans from Lifetime Movie Network to Soap Opera Net.. The liberal in me wants to watch currentTV all day where 20something newscasters say shit like "yeah, man, things in Palestine are totally messed up" (direct quote) while the art fag wants to watch documentaries about Jeff Koons and Ray Johnson on Ovation TV (MAKE LIFE CREATIVE). The real fag snickers at Logo(and cringes at old US Queer as Folk episodes), but I pay my fairy dues by watching shows like Beautiful People which oddly resembles my sissy middle school years. And then there's the guilty pleasures of Degrassi marathons where I wish my high school years were that dramatic. Though NYC Prep on Bravo hits too close to home.

For other members of the household: My Dad, the WWII history buff, can escape to 5 History Channels, including THE MILITARY CHANNEL (???). My mom can redecorate our house again by following tips from not only HGTV, but also DIY, which sadly does not take place in a West Philly basement show, but in the collective cul-de-sac of boom years past.

The upside: I am so ready for water cooler conversations that I always avoided and can pick up any meeting with clients by referencing the Office. Downside: holy shit I stay up all night watching Twin Peaks marathons on the Crime and Investigation Network. I am currently terrified that Laura Palmer's murderer is going to dice me up and James (<3)/Agent Cooper are twenty years too old to save me.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT MY FAMILY

My guilty pleasures are getting guiltier by the day. I'm becoming too emotionally invested in the Real Housewives of New Jersey now, and I can't decide which team to bat for in the Dina vs. Danielle World Series of Hate.



A lot of people would side with Dina. She's very cool and collected. She doesn't really need to raise her voice, even in the throes of a battle. We certainly don't share the same tastes in interior design, but I could appreciate her merits and "artistic" sensibility. More importantly, I think I'd want Dina and her super size family on my side in the event I run into some trouble.

Though, Dina and I are both extremely sensitive, and it's most likely we would bicker. Plus, I'd get bored of saying the right thing and being her gay little pet. If I rebel, which is likely, I'd probably be excommunicated from the Manzo family. Which means sleeping with one eye open.

Which is why my heart often goes out to Danielle the underdog. She's trying to clean up her act and fall in love, but she's looking in all the wrong places. I could see us drinking Cosmos by the pool. We'd talk about our (boy) problems, start crying about it, and then go on a ski trip for good measure. I'd certainly feel less inhibited as she would convince me to engage in illicit phone conversations with a 50+ sugar daddy, but at least I'd get a Black American Express card out of it.

Yet I know Danielle will be calling/texting me every hour of the day, wanting to talk about her boy problems and not listening to my advice. I'd lose interest real fast and I'd probably run back to Dina and recite an Act of Contrition. I would earn her trust again by spilling the beans on Danielle's rough past and weird sex life. Then, Caroline would come out of nowhere with a large plate of lasagna to fatten me up and welcome me back to the Manzo family.

But, then you'd know by next week I'd be on another bender with Danielle. That's reality TV for you.